HOW PASTORS ARE MISLEADING SINGLES INTO MARRIAGE
I was reading online sometimes about what a popular pastor in Nigeria, pastor Adeboye, advised single sisters and brother in his church – RCCG. Reading through the pieces of advices, I am so much concerned how he and many pastors in different churches are misleading and destroying the glorious marital future of many Christian singles. Most of the counsels these pastors are giving their singles brothers and sisters are actually canceling their marital future and many are so ignorant by taking such canceling-life advices and live the rest of their lives to regret it.
One of the advices he gave single sisters is that if a man does not have a job or a steady income, sisters should not marry such a man. The question is that what if the man has a good and steady job and after marriage he loses the job, are they going to divorce? What if God is leading the sister to marry the jobless brother and go ahead for their wedding as God is leading them by faith, will the sister say NO because the brother does not have a job? Does that mean it is only marital aspect we cannot apply faith in Christian life? This is how many sisters are missing their God’s ordained husbands.
Such counsel is not only anti-faith but also anti-biblical. He quoted Bible by saying God had already given Adam job in the Garden of Eden before giving him Eve. Such Bible reference is wrong and inaccurate because it looks as if God first created Adam, and then created Garden of Eden then gave Eve to Adam. No! God had already created the Garden of Eden before He even created Adam.
According to Pastor Adeboye’s advice, single sisters should not walk by faith when it comes to marital decision, but they should walk by what they can only see. Who knows the future, except God? There are many who had good jobs last year, who had steady and steaming income before they got married but are now jobless and dependent on their wives. So if you follow such advice of walking by sight, you will miss God’s plan for your life and live to regret it.
BIBLICAL COUNSELS FOR CHRISTIAN SINGLES
Here is the right biblical advice I have for every single sister: Do not include having a job or having a steady income in the list of what a man you want to marry must have. You must have in your list as the man must be genuinely saved and be the will of God, but never include having a job or steady income in your list, if you do, you will be deceived by the devil and miss it.
I am talking from the light of God’s word and from my personal experience:
From God’s Word – The Bible says a Just shall live by faith, it also says we should walk by faith not by sight; it says we should not be moved by what we see but by what we cannot see – God’s leading cannot be physically seen, but it’s sure. Only the people of the world are moved by what they see, only a worldly pastor will advise singles to walk by sight. Because what you see – the good job or no-job are temporal. I have been counseling several married sisters who are languishing in terrible marriages, and these husbands still have good jobs.
From my personal experience: When I was single, I attempted marital relationships with some sisters which didn’t work out, most of the reasons was because I had no job, no source of income, no accommodation, yet God was leading me into marriage, because God works in different ways to glorify Himself. These sisters rejected me, some their parents or pastors discouraged them and disqualified me. Does that means none of those sisters were the will of God for me? No, but when someone rejects God’s will, God will replace her. I remember a lady I was going into relationship with, and she took me to her uncle who was a pastor. The uncle was like, “whaaaat? You have no job, no business, no accommodation, and you want to marry? Is that what your Bible teaches you?
I really understood my poor financial situation but I was walking by faith as God was leading me, so I didn’t care. When I met my wife, she agreed to marry me. As I was busy doing the work of evangelism free of charge, she was supporting me financially. When I wanted to meet her parents, she gave me money for transport, to buy new T-shirt and to buy a fruit wine which I presented to the father. Her family accepted me as I was though they knew the consequence of my financial lack in marriage, but they believed a good future for us by faith.
God helped me, as a Christian sister borrowed me some amount of money 2 days to the wedding which I used some to rent an abandoned shop in Lagos, with no electricity, no toilet, no bath room, even the door had no key. We had no source of income and no job. Nothing except the ministry God had given us. That was how we started our lives together. Obviously, many churches wouldn’t have allowed such marriage, including the holiness church and those who claim to preach faith. It’s not about being stupid or foolish; it is about following God’s leading. You see, it’s easy to say “If God asks me to face a red sea, I will obey” but when the reality comes; it is not easy to obey.
In these 4 years of our marriage, God has blessed us to the extent that it is difficult to connect our humble beginning with our present. God has blessed us with two children, with company of our own; we have workers working with us as we still continue in free-of-charge evangelical ministry, all without any connection or huge amount of money but only by faith and obedience to God. Sometimes, when I look at the house we are living now or when I am driving, some questions usually come to my mind:
1, What if my wife and I delay our wedding, waiting for me to get a job, not knowing what God has for us in this blessed marriage?
2, What if my wife had followed advice of pastors that a man must have a job or steady income before accepting to marry him?
3, Can I ever do enough to appreciate my wife or which family members or friends will tell me I’m doing too much for my wife who started with me in one abandoned shop, who accepted to marry with no job or income against the advice of “Daddy GO” and marriage counselors? Will our children not ever be grateful to their mother who accepted to marry their father when he had nothing? Surely they will ever appreciate her.
God makes all things work together for good. God used my poor financial situation then to marry a virtuous woman, not a calculating “sister” of a carnal pastor.
MY CONCLUSION: 2 IMPORTANT THINGS IN CHOOSING A MARITAL PARTNER
When it comes marital decision, don’t walk by sight and don’t be stupid, but be sure of God’s will and forget about the rest, either the man has no job or the sister cannot pray for 1 hour; either the person is from your church or another church, either the person is short or tall, fat or slim, educated or illiterate, from your tribe or another tribe, can cook well or does not know how to cook, the 2 important things are firstly, the person must be a genuine child of God. And how will you know? The Bible says by their fruits you will know them. Secondly, the person must be the will of God for you. You must pray and be sure this person is God’s will for you to marry because you cannot marry every child of God, but the one God has destined for you. Don’t miss these!
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